Creating a healthy mindset requires us to do the one thing all women seem to find ridiculous hard, the ability to let shit go.
We’ve all had times we’ve been hurt, let down or shat on from great height (hopefully just metaphorically) and for some strange, unknown reason we hold on to that pain and re play it over and over again in our beautiful minds, searching for ways we could have done things differently.
Not helpful at all, instead we need to learn to let go of the things that are keeping us stuck. The feelings, emotions and beliefs that stop us from living a life that feels good, that empowers us to chase our dreams, take risks and be happy. We need to learn to let go of any pain from our pasts.
We all have a past
We’ve all experienced something heartbreaking, painful, something that’s consumed our headspace and crushed our confidence.
As horrible as it sounds, we all have some kind of trauma in our life. It might not be anything mainstream society would perceive as traumatic or soul-destroying, however I bet that to you, it felt horrific.
Perhaps it was bullying, grief, abuse, isolation, fear, anger or a lack of control. No matter what you experienced, it was still a trauma to you. Trauma is our own experience, it cant be defined by a dictionary or another person’s experience.
One person’s trauma might not be a big deal to someone else and that’s ok. Your experience of something painful is unique to you.
This is because your mind is hardwired to create stories. Your mind will take’s an experience and then create a story surrounding how you feel about it.
Creating a story doesn’t mean that you imagined or made up what happened to you, or that your experience is any less traumatic or painful.
We all have our own unique perceptions. This doesn’t make the perceived stories our minds associate with what we experience in life are any less real or painful. It just means we all process, feel and react to things differently.
The reason we all have different perceptions is because our minds work by connecting past experiences, beliefs, memories and thoughts to situations.
Therefore everything stored in your mind influence’s how you choose to perceive or experience a situation; and as every single person has experienced different things in their lives, we all have slightly different perceptions.
The great thing with these perceptions is that there is a way you can change them, you just have to make a choice.
Let me explain, your mind, although influenced by what you have learned and experienced can be changed if you want it too. You can choose to see something as negative. To feel hurt, pain, fear or resentment or you can choose to see something with happiness, positivity, joy and love.
The story your mind creates is just how you choose to perceive the situation.
Take for example a robbery. Two people living next door to each other both return from work to find their houses have been robbed.
One neighbour’s mind creates the story that they are angry. How dare someone come into their house. They set about looking at security, installing an alarm and adding a deadbolt to the doors. They take control of the situation to feel safe. Content and satisfied that no one will ever come into their home again.
The other neighbour’s story is to feel violated, the thought of someone being in their home causes fear and anxiety.
Their scared the robber will come back, they begin to feel unsafe in their own home, the sanctuary that was once a place of a safety no longer feels that way.
All they can think about is what if the person comes back, what if they get robbed again. The negative emotions from the experience have taken control of them.
As you can see, the same experience happened to each person, but their ‘story’ was completely different. One neighbour chose to feel anger that fuelled them to take control, whilst the other neighbour allowed their negative emotional response to control them, they developed a fear story.